An Important Note for My Students Regarding the Use of ChatGPT

Douglas McManaman

I have listened to lots of people over the years – most of them professionally and some just because we were together. I don’t know of one person among those many who, under the right conditions, didn’t have interesting and important things to say. Colleagues sometimes ask me whether I ever get bored listening to people. Yes: under one circumstance. If people are not saying what they really think, when they are chronically ducking and censoring or trying to impress or placate, I am bored. But if people are thinking for themselves about things that really matter to them, I am fascinated. You can tell when a person has just moved from let-me-please-you thinking back to their own mind – they go from soporific to scintillating just like that. I enjoy those moments hugely. Beneath the fear of being punished for thinking for themselves, most people have ideas that matter, ideas that would make a difference if they could be developed fully. People, regardless of their position or status, can think of things that move discussions to whole new levels of sparkle and resolution. Individuals you would never suspect of being interesting have absorbing stories to tell and disturbing insights that would humble even the most long-winded of us right out of our self-importance and rush. If the conditions are right, the huge intelligence of the human being surfaces. Ideas seem to come from nowhere and sometimes stun us. 

Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind by Nancy Kline

Recently I came across a journal assignment that had an opening sentence that was word for word identical to that of another student. I mentioned this to my daughter and she just smiled. She said: ChatGPT. I asked her to explain to me how this works, so she took one of my journal assignments that my students are required to complete and showed me how it is done, by actually inputting the url links to the articles I had assigned and the questions I wanted them to cover. Lo and behold, a very well written journal assignment that summarizes an article that I wrote, as well as an article from a recent pope, and which incorporates answers to the questions I assigned. The AI product even included a line that began with: “I learned that…”, a line that I see very often from my students.

Now, I have no problem with students using AI in order to procure basic information–I will often use it myself to summarize a book that I am interested in purchasing, to see if I want to pursue the book further. The problem with using ChatGPT to do an assignment for you, however, is fundamentally a moral problem, and a serious one at that. I’d like to explain this, because for some reason, I had a difficult time getting my daughter to understand this, which made me wonder whether some of my students would also have the same difficulty. 

So, allow me to make two points. The first is that using ChatGPT to complete an assignment for you is really no different than having someone do your homework, essay, or journal for you. In short, it is a matter of cheating, which in turn is a matter of lying. This brings me to my next point: you and I determine our moral identity, our character, by the moral choices that we make. Moral character is not the same as one’s personality. Character describes the kind of person that you are, the kind of person that you have made yourself to be by the moral choices you have made and continue to make in your life. So, a person can have a very nice personality, but bad moral character–he or she might be a liar, which is a person who cannot be trusted. And I become a liar by choosing to lie, or a thief by choosing to take something that does not belong to me, or a killer by actually killing someone, or an adulterer by choosing to commit adultery, etc. 

What frightens me about students who use ChatGPT to complete a journal assignment that involves reading an article and/or watching a video is that they are becoming liars, persons who cannot be trusted. Now, this is a problem because every moral choice we make comes back to us in the end, either to bless us or curse us. It was always a challenge to get my young grade 9 students to understand the harm they do to themselves when they lie–sure, they often get away with it, but the deficiency in their character which their choice brought about stays with them until they make a choice inconsistent with their previous lie–which is what it means to repent, that is, to have a change of heart. But it is disconcerting to think that some adults, not all, need to have this pointed out to them. One’s character is one’s “heart” (the will), and so a good character is a good heart. I’ve always said to my students that character is everything. Our eternal destiny is determined by our character, and the more I go on in life, the more I see that the problems of this world for the most part boil down to matters of character. There is so much suffering in this life as a result of deficient moral character. What is at the root of failed marriages? Very often it’s a matter of bad character, i.e, someone’s infidelity, or impatience, or taking oneself too seriously, selfishness, etc. What is at the root of traffic jams? Often it is a matter of construction, but too often it is a matter of a serious vehicle accident up ahead, which in turn was the result of impatience, which is a moral vice–someone was in too much of a hurry and was driving recklessly. No need to spell out the root causes of war, poverty and hunger. Everything we do comes back to us in the end. Eastern religions referred to this as karma, which is a teaching that expresses a universal experience.

The purpose of an assignment, in my case a religion assignment, is to have my students acquire the knowledge and intellectual disposition that they will need in the classroom, in order to create the conditions in their own classrooms that will allow students to question further and build on what we give them, which often leads to new avenues to explore and new insights. All this gets thwarted when we choose to use AI tools to do the work for us.



Some Thoughts on Personhood, Hell, and the Hope for Universal Salvation

By Deacon D. McManaman

“Moral consciousness began with God’s question: Cain, where is thy brother Abel? It will end with another question on the part of God: Abel, where is thy brother Cain?” 
Nicolas Berdyaev.


Pope John Paul II was fond of repeating that man is the only creature in the physical universe that God the Creator willed into existence for his/her own sake.[1] What this implies is that the human person possesses an intrinsic value, as opposed to a value determined in reference to something extrinsic, such as how well the person is able to serve the ends of the society outside of him. The human person is a relational being; however, his existence is always open to a greater fullness and expansion, which can only occur in community. The human person is created by God for his sake, but at the same time called by God to Himself, because God is Goodness Itself (God is Love), and so God wills that the human person be most fully, to expand, first and foremost for his own sake. It is true that persons exist for the good of others, but the only way to maximally benefit others, to exist most fully in community, is to become as good and complete as possible, because goodness is self-expansive, effusive, and communicable.

The kind of self-expansion specific to the human person exists on the level of the intellect and the will. The human person has the capacity to apprehend intelligibles, that is, to gradually understand the natures of things through the observation of their activities. But intellectual knowledge is a specific kind of self- expansion. Through this kind of knowing, the human person becomes more than what he is without ceasing to be what he is. What this means is that the things a person knows exist in him, that is, in his mind–we say that knowledge is within us. For example, the knowledge of my friend or the maple tree in my front yard is real and in my mind, and so it is true to say that these things exist in me in a certain way, obviously in a way that is different than the way they exist outside of me. The tree outside me exists physically (with size, weight, shape, texture, subject to place, etc.), but within me it exists immaterially (without size, weight, place, etc.). Through knowledge, I become more, that is, I expand; for I am more than what I would be without knowing the thing that I know; for my mind has become that cat, this dog, the sky, etc., immaterially. The concepts of things are “conceived” in me; I become “pregnant” with the world around me. Hence, knowledge is a kind of union and an expansion of self. 

But intellect is not man’s only power. He wills, inclines to, or desires to be most fully. The human person has volition. He not only apprehends intelligible objects (the natures of things, their existence, truth, beauty, real harmonious relationships, justice, etc.), he also wills them. The intelligible objects that draw him are intelligible goods (i.e., life, knowledge, beauty, friendship, integrity, religion, etc.). The will, however, makes possible another kind of self-expansion, namely the self-expansion that occurs through love. Not only do I know the other as a person of the same nature as myself (as another self), I can also will his good for his own sake, not merely for the sake of what he does for me. I can will his good as I will my own, for his sake. In other words, I can love him as another self, another me. In knowledge, he exists in me in a certain way; but through love (an act of the will), I go outside myself and exist as him. Through love, I become two, or three, or four, depending on how extensive that love is.

The larger I become, that is, the more I love in the true sense of self-expansion, the better and more complete I become, and the more complete I become, the happier I am. The more that my love is limited to myself—which means that I love others not for their sake, but primarily for what they do for me—, the more I shrink. I can desperately seek to be filled up with all sorts of experiences, using others for the sake of that end, and at the same time experience a gradual diminishing and accompanying emptiness, much to my chagrin. In this case, I am deceived about my own fulfillment. A self-centered life is joyless, although it may very well be filled with pleasures of all sorts.

What is particularly noteworthy at this point is that as a person shrinks, he becomes increasingly large in his own eyes. Hence, the self-centered live in unreality; they live a deluded existence. There is a sense in which one has rejected one’s status as a creature, created by God out of the effusiveness of divine generosity, but to reject such a status as dependent upon God, measured by the divine law, is to have chosen to be one’s own god, and so all reminders of one’s creaturely status become the object of such a person’s hatred. The life of those on this path is a life of envy; for every reminder of my limits, such as anyone who is smarter or more talented or more skilled than I am, becomes an object of my envy, and envy delights in the misfortunes of others, and wishes that others be deprived of the good that is theirs. What Sergius Bulgakov writes about Satan’s anxiety is entirely applicable here

…this same consciousness [the knowledge of his creaturehood] introduces an unbearable, rending contradiction into the very depths of Satan’s being, instilling in him an unconquerable anxiety and a struggle against his very self; it creates the need for incessantly assuring himself (in spite of self-evident testimony to the contrary) of that in which there is no and cannot be any assurance. The living out of this contradiction constitutes the only and exhaustive content of the life of the prince of this world in his exile from this world.[2]

The human person living within the current of Satan’s rebellion not only lives in unreality, he is, to one degree or another, in a constant battle against the reality of his own creaturehood and all that it implies (his limitations, dependency upon God and others, etc.). He has a deep hatred for that truth, which is really the most fundamental truth about himself.

The human person, created in the image and likeness of God, is a mystery in the true sense of the word: an inexhaustible and infinitely knowable reality, for God is the unutterable mystery–infinitely knowable and incomprehensible. My deepest identity is the moral identity that I determine by the moral choices that I make, but those choices occur within a highly complex network of personal interactions that extend as far back as the womb. I am my relationship to the history of those interactions in my life, from the acts of love shown to me by my mother and father, my siblings, friends and strangers, teachers and administrators, to even acts of indifference towards me, acts of cruelty and hatred, accidents and coincidences, etc. And all these interactions are with persons whose identities in turn have been shaped by their histories–which at best I am familiar with only in tiny slivers and strands–, and so on and so forth. An individual person is a genuine mystery, forever knowable, never completely understood or comprehended. Too much escapes my own notice for me to confidently assert that I completely “know” someone. But I do know at least this: that I am indebted to more people than I am explicitly aware of; for I alone have not “made myself”; I have been made by God and by myriads of other creatures like myself. The way I choose to relate to all of them is the result of my own choice–how free those moral choices of mine or others are, and thus how responsible I am for them, is not possible for me to know with any certainty. But I can relate to that entire historical network with more or less gratitude, which implies a recognition of my creaturely dependency and limitations, or I can remain oblivious to this debt and continue to live without gratitude. In the latter case, I have become my own worst enemy. The hell I have created for myself is characterized by a deep and underlying anxiety, frustration, a constant confrontation with the reality of my own creatureliness and an absurd and insane rejection of it. Such a person is stubborn, arrogant, and in his own mind is always “the smartest person in the room”.

This is not a life of freedom, because it is an entirely unenlightened life. This is a life of the deepest spiritual slavery. In his Second Letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes:

The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. …And even though our gospel is veiled, it is veiled for those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this age has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, so that they may not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God (2 Cor 3, 17; 4, 4)

This is a dark and exhausting existence. When its trajectory runs its course, this is what we mean by hell. Nicolas Berdyaev writes:

The distortion of the idea of hell in the human mind has led to its being identified with the fear of God’s judgment and retribution. But hell is not God’s action upon the soul, retributive and punitive as that action may be; it is the absence of any action of God upon the soul, the soul’s incapacity to open itself to God’s influence and its complete severance from God. Hell is nothing other than complete separation from God. The horror of hell is not inspired by the thought that God’s judgment will be stern and implacable. God is love and mercy, and to give one’s fate to Him means to overcome the horror. The horror is to have my fate left in my own hands. It is not what God will do to me that is terrible, but what I will do to myself. What is terrible is the judgment passed by the soul upon itself, upon its own impotence to enter eternal life. Hell really means not that man falls into the hands of God but that he is finally abandoned to his own devices.[3]

Is there a realistic hope for universal salvation?

In the chapter entitled “Does ‘Eternal Life’ Exist?”, in his book Crossing the Threshold of Hope, Pope John Paul II asks the question: “Can God, who has loved man so much, permit the man who rejects Him to be condemned to eternal torment?” Despite what the 5th Ecumenical Council has said with respect to a particular version of apokatastasis (universal restoration),[4] “the problem remains”, he says.[5] And since the problem remains, I would like to provide just a brief introduction to a tradition in the Church with respect to this hope, one that extends as far back as St. Clement of Alexandria.[6] In an interview back in 1993, regarding the new Catholic Catechism of that year, the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I said: “Why say nothing of the hope and prayer for common salvation, which can be found in Ambrose of Milan, Gregory of Nyssa, Dionysius the Areopagite, Isaac of Nineveh, Juliana of Norwich and so many other great contemporary theologians, such as Hans Urs von Balthasar? These problems are significant for the man of today, tragically oscillating between the fear of void and delusive promises of reincarnation.”[7] In that light, I would like to make sure that something is said here about this hope for common salvation.

I believe the problem we are addressing can be looked upon from two different angles or sides: 1) from the side of man and his freedom, and 2) from the side of God and His grace. First, consider this from the side of man. Berdyaev writes: 

Hell is the state of the soul powerless to come out of itself, absolute self-centeredness, dark and evil isolation, i.e., final inability to love. It means being engulfed in an agonizing moment which opens up on a yawning abyss of infinity, so that the moment becomes endless time. Hell creates and organizes the separation of the soul from God, from God’s world and from other men. In hell the soul is separated from everyone and from everything, completely isolated and at the same time enslaved by everything and everyone.[8]

Such a person has killed the grace of God within, completely severing himself from divine friendship, and so he is incapable, on his own, of opening himself to God’s influence, unable to extricate himself from his own darkness. If we stop at this point, however, and limit ourselves to the consideration of man and his freedom alone, which most Christians do, then all we are left with is never ending despair: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”, as inscribed on Hell’s gate in Dante’s Inferno. But why should we stop here? To do so, it seems to me, is theologically unwarranted; it is what Berdyaev refers to as “reckoning without Christ”. And I believe this is what St. Edith Stein meant when she wrote: “It is not enough to consider freedom by itself. One must also examine what Grace can accomplish, and whether there are any absolute limits to it. We have already seen that Grace must come to human beings. At best, human beings can reach the door, but no one can force their entry. Furthermore, Grace can come to them, without their searching, without their willing.”[9]

Christ’s fullness is “grace upon grace” (Jn 1, 16), and he has revealed himself as “savior”, the good shepherd who goes in search of the lost, who came to save what is lost, to raise the dead to life; for the name ‘Jesus’ is the late form of the Hebrew name ‘Joshua’, which means ‘Yahweh is salvation’.

In the prologue of the gospel of John, we read: “In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (Jn 1, 4-5). But what exactly is this “life” that is the “light of men” which darkness has failed to overcome? George MacDonald says it quite beautifully:

The life of Christ is this–negatively, that he does nothing, cares for nothing for his own sake; positively, that he cares with his whole soul for the will, the pleasure of his father. Because his father is his father, therefore he will be his child. The truth in Jesus is his relation to his father; the righteousness of Jesus is his fulfilment of that relation. Meeting this relation, loving his father with his whole being, he is not merely alive as born of God; but, giving himself with perfect will to God, choosing to die to himself and live to God, he therein creates in himself a new and higher life; and, standing upon himself, has gained the power to awake life, the divine shadow of his own, in the hearts of us his brothers and sisters, who have come from the same birth-home as himself, namely, the heart of his God and our God, his father and our father, but who, without our elder brother to do it first, would never have chosen that self-adjuration which is life, never have become alive like him. To will, not from self, but with the Eternal, is to live.[10]

As we approach a person in daylight, our shadow is cast over him, and as God approaches us, we are covered by the divine shadow of His own life, which awakens us to the new life of grace: “The waters are frozen at his touch; he sends forth his word and it melts them: at the breath of his mouth the waters flow” (Ps 147, 18). In joining a human nature, the Son joined himself to every man, as it were.[11] If this is the case, then our humanity has become the Father’s “Other Self”. The result of this is that when the Father looks upon humanity, he sees his Son, His ‘Other Self’, and when He beholds His Son, he beholds our humanity and every individual who participates in that humanity. Now what we know of the Father is this: “…who wills everyone to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim 2, 4). We know this because God the Son, who is everything that the Father can say about Himself, has joined humanity to Himself in order to save it. Christ is savior, he has come to search out the lost, to deliver from slavery, to shine light into darkness, to raise the dead to life.

The parables that best illustrate this relation in the action of seeking out the lost are the parables of the divine mercy in the gospel of Luke, which are best considered in relation to one another. In fact, the two of them ought to be read against the backdrop of the parable of the prodigal son. The reason is that in the parable of the prodigal son, the son eventually comes to his senses and makes plans to return to his father. But what is dead cannot “come to its senses”, because to “come to one’s senses” presupposes life, and indeed the father said: “…for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found” (Lk 15, 24). In this parable, the divine life that went in search of him, found him and raised him from the dead, was hidden, not explicit. However, in the parable of the lost sheep, the active searching on the part of the man who loses one of the ninety-nine is brought out explicitly: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing” (Lk 1, 4-5). The emphasis here is not so much on the one who is found as it is upon the one who goes looking—the man has to go searching for the lost sheep because unlike the prodigal son, it does not return on its own. But what the prodigal son and the lost sheep have in common is clear evidence of life; for the prodigal son considers his predicament and makes his way back to the father; the sheep does not return home, but perhaps it cries out so that it can be found. But it is the parable of the lost coin that is rather remarkable against the background of these two parables: “What woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it?” (Lk 15, 8). A coin cannot return on its own, nor can it cry out in the wilderness; it is nothing more than a piece of inert matter, that is, it is dead. Nonetheless, the woman lights a lamp and sweeps the house and seeks diligently until she finds it. She does not give up, in other words.[12] This is a very important theological datum that must not be overlooked–she lights a lamp and sweeps, looking diligently until what she is looking for, a precious piece of metal that is nevertheless inert and lifeless, is found.

We know that those trapped in the depths of their own hell are in that state as a result of the choices they have made, but that is not the whole story of the good news of the gospel. The good news is that they are the objects of a divine search, a search that does not end until the dead are found: “In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins” (1 Jn 4, 9-10). That search for us begins here, but the question is: does God ever stop searching? Are there limits to His mercy? Or more to the point, can God’s universal salvific will be ultimately frustrated, that is, defeated?

Every Holy Saturday morning, year after year, those who are required to pray the Liturgy of the Hours read the following From an Ancient Homily on Holy Saturday, in the Office of Readings:

Something strange is happening—there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence because the King is asleep. The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. God has died in the flesh and hell trembles with fear.

He has gone to search for our first parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring to visit those who live in darkness and in the shadow of death, he has gone to free from sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he who is both God and the son of Eve. The Lord approached them bearing the cross, the weapon that had won him the victory. At the sight of him Adam, the first man he had created, struck his breast in terror and cried out to everyone: “My Lord be with you all.” Christ answered him: “And with your spirit.” He took him by the hand and raised him up, saying: “Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

I am your God, who for your sake have become your son. Out of love for you and for your descendants I now by my own authority command all who are held in bondage to come forth, all who are in darkness to be enlightened, all who are sleeping to arise. I order you, O sleeper, to awake. I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell. Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of my hands, you who were created in my image. Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in me and I am in you; together we form only one person and we cannot be separated. [13]

Christ came to destroy death, and his victory is precisely in its complete destruction. On Friday of the third week of Easter, the Office of Readings includes the following from St. Ephrem, who writes:

Death could not devour our Lord unless he possessed a body, neither could hell swallow him up unless he bore our flesh; and so he came in search of a chariot in which to ride to the underworld. This chariot was the body which he received from the Virgin; in it he invaded death’s fortress, broke open its strong-room and scattered all its treasure.

At length he came upon Eve, the mother of all the living. She was that vineyard whose enclosure her own hands had enabled death to violate, so that she could taste its fruit; thus the mother of all the living became the source of death for every living creature. But in her stead Mary grew up, a new vine in place of the old. Christ, the new life, dwelt within her. When death, with its customary impudence, came foraging for her mortal fruit, it encountered its own destruction in the hidden life that fruit contained. All unsuspecting, it swallowed him up, and in so doing released life itself and set free a multitude of men.[14]

There cannot be any doubt, “the problem remains”, as Pope John Paul II pointed out. It seems to me that a serious difficulty with the infernalist perspective (I.e., eternal torments in hell for the damned) is that within that frame of mind, such readings from the Divine Office, among others, cause a certain degree of cognitive dissonance. This is especially the case with respect to a number of scriptural texts from St. Paul: “God has imprisoned all in disobedience that he might have mercy on all” (Rom 11, 32); “Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Phil 2, 9-11).[15] The problem, of course, is that the spiritually dead do not bend their knees and confess the Lordship of Jesus to the glory of God, only the living do (Ps 115, 17). Nor is God “all in all” for those who have rejected Him. However, St. Paul writes:

But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead came also through a human being. For just as in Adam all die, so too in Christ shall all be brought to life, but each one in proper order: Christ the first fruits; then, at his coming, those who belong to Christ; then comes the end, when he hands over the kingdom to his God and Father, when he has destroyed every sovereignty and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death, for “he subjected everything under his feet.” But when it says that everything has been subjected, it is clear that it excludes the one who subjected everything to him. When everything is subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to the one who subjected everything to him, so that God may be all in all. (1 Co 15, 20-28)

But how does this square with human freedom, the freedom to reject God’s advances for all eternity? Love is not love unless it is freely given, and God is Love; so will God allow us to reject Him for all eternity, especially given that love does not compel? A hasty response in the affirmative overlooks too much with respect to the genius of the divine love. As Edith Stein points out: “Human freedom cannot be broken by the divine, nor suppressed, but it can be outwitted, as it were. The descent of Grace into the human soul is a free act of divine love. And there are no limits to its expansion” [emphasis mine].[16]

A mother does not stop searching for her lost son, and it is love that provides the light needed to “outwit” her son’s rebellion (Is 49, 15). As the mother, like the woman in the parable, approaches her lost son, a shadow is cast upon him because she does not walk in darkness–the shadow is, of course, the life of the Son, the life of grace, which can “worm its way in” so to speak. St. Edith Stein continues:

All merciful love can descend upon anyone. We believe that it does. And now, should there be souls who exclude themselves from it permanently? In principle, the possibility is not excluded. In fact, it can become infinitely unlikely, precisely through what prevenient Grace is able to accomplish in the soul. This Grace can only knock, and there are souls that open themselves at even this quiet call. Others let it go unheeded. But then this Grace can worm its way into these souls, and more and more expand itself in them. The greater the space that it occupies in such an illegitimate way, the more unlikely it will be that the soul closes itself off. It already sees the world now in the light of Grace…The more ground that Grace wins from that which occupied it before, the more ground it deprives from the free acts directed against it. And, in principle, there are no limits to this displacement. When all the impulses against the spirit of light are displaced from the soul, then a free decision against it [the spirit of light] becomes infinitely unlikely. For this reason, the belief in the boundlessness of God’s love and Grace, as well as the hope for universal salvation, are justified… [emphasis mine].[17]

This is an interesting and mysterious paradox: that grace slowly and gradually deprives a soul of the ground for the free acts directed against it, and yet such displacement in fact marks an increase in freedom, for “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Co 3, 17). Those in darkness are slaves to sin, and they really do not understand the full implications of the choices they make. Indeed, Christ himself said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Lk 23, 34), and for the most part, we don’t know what we are doing, especially when our choices plunge us more and more deeply into darkness.

The problem many people have with these points, it seems to me, stems from the tendency to regard this issue within an exclusively juridical model. As Berdyaev writes: “The idea of hell must be completely freed from all association with criminal law transferred to the heavenly world. Hell as a subjective realm, as the absorption of the soul in its own darkness, is the immanent result of sinful existence and not a transcendental punishment for sin. Hell is absorption in the immanent and the impossibility of passing to the transcendental. The descent of the Son of God into hell can alone liberate man from it. Hell is the consequence of the natural world being closed to Divine intervention and to the descent of God into it. All Divine action in the world is directed towards freeing man from hell.”[18]

Some Final Thoughts 

If the hope for universal salvation has some theological justification, then universal salvation is a real possibility, which in turn means that it is really possible that hell is not eternal. Of course, some people just will not hear of this, but the few scriptural passages that seem to indicate that hell is eternal might, on closer analysis, suggest otherwise. The two scriptural texts appealed to in defense of hell’s eternity are Matthew 25, 46: “And these will go off to eternal punishment”, and Revelation 20, 10: “There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever”. In both texts, however, the original Greek word here translated–or perhaps mistranslated–as “eternal” is aionion, which is properly translated as “ages of ages” (eons, as well as “other worldly”), and the word for punishment in Mt 25, 46 is kolasin, which is best translated as “chastening”, which is “remedial punishment”, not retribution (timoria).[19] In fact, “chastening”, that is, remedial punishment, is the only kind of punishment that really has any meaning in this context. Eternal (aidios) retribution (timoria), which does not appear in scripture, would be utterly senseless. Consider the word “meaning”. In French, ‘meaning’ is sens, which is also translated as ‘direction’. What moves in a particular direction is meaningful and intelligible by virtue of that direction, for it is movement for the sake of an end–a life that is “going nowhere” is experienced as “meaningless”. Since final cause (end) coincides with formal cause (that for the sake of which there is coming to be), a movement without an end is unintelligible and meaningless. Torment (punishment) that is eternal and without a purpose (such as remediation or the good of the punished) is utterly without point, that is, without meaning.[20] Moreover, it is inconsistent with love, since love is intrinsically meaningful, for it “wills the good”. But kolasis that lasts “ages of ages” (eons) is consistent with the divine love, for it is punishment or chastening with a point—namely, eventual salvation. Moreover, according to St. Isaac of Nineveh, it is precisely the fire of the divine love that torments the damned:

…I say that even those who are scourged in Hell are tormented with the scourgings of love. Scourgings for love’s sake, namely of those who perceive that they have sinned against love, are more hard and bitter than tortures through fear. The suffering which takes hold of the heart through the sinning against love is more acute than any other torture. It is evil for a man to think that the sinners in Hell are destitute of love for the Creator. For love is a child of true knowledge such as is professed to be given to all people. Love works with its force in a double way. It tortures those who have sinned, as happens also in the world between friends. And it gives delight to those who have kept its decrees. Thus it is also in Hell. I say that the hard tortures are grief for love. The inhabitants of heaven, however, make drunk their soul with the delight of love.[21]

A good case can be made that aionios, properly translated as “ages of ages”, or eons, as opposed to “eternal” (which in Greek is aidios), restores, with respect of the entire scriptural body of divine revelation, the basic elements that constitute the parameters of cognitive systematicity: completeness, cohesiveness, consonance, consistency and compatibility, functional regularity, simplicity and efficacy. In other words, it makes for a much more consistent and coherent reading of the scriptures. For example, how can we maintain with any consistency that Christ had complete victory over death when a portion of humanity suffers eternal death?

For as long as a person exists, he acts. The rebellion of hell requires, as does all action, a degree of energy. Indeed, some people have a large reservoir of energy, and so their stubbornness can persist throughout their entire lives here. But evil is a “minus”, it is a lack, a kind of non-being, and so evil does not sustain, certainly not perpetually. It takes a great deal of energy to persist in the battle against oneself and against the real, continually diminishing in size, but the only eternal and inexhaustible source of energy is God, the One whose position evil wishes to usurp. It seems to me, therefore, that the battle is bound to run out of steam.

Moreover, human beings are generally slow to learn, particularly slow to acquire the insight that reflection upon life’s rich experience makes possible. To make an analogy with the teaching profession, in the best case scenario, when a person finally learns what it means to be a teacher and how to be a teacher, he’ll be just about ready to retire. That’s how long it takes, but of course, in his mind, he’s now just getting started. But most teachers do not even get to that point: upon retirement, it cannot be said that they’ve finally gotten a handle of what it is they are doing. But how much more is this the case with life in general? Our youth is spent, for the most part, in the land of dreams, and yet how many die in their youth? Furthermore, can it be said that most of those who live to a ripe old age have figured out, at even just a rudimentary level, what life is about and how to live it? Not in my experience. And how long it takes, when a person is finally on the right road, to overcome the delusions brought about by the inordinate love of self! These delusions can persist into the 90s, even for those devoutly religious and prayerful. We are always children. But somehow this short span is supposed to be enough time to learn what needs to be learned about life’s deepest meaning and on that basis choose freely our eternal lot? It is always the case that, for the most part or at least to some degree, we really do not know what we are doing. Christ’s words from the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”, are spoken over each one of us, always, to our last breath, and since Christ is the eternal Person of the Son, his words are spoken over us in the “other worldly” realm of aionios. As St. Isaac of Nineveh writes: “It is not the way of the compassionate Maker to create rational beings in order to deliver them over mercilessly to unending affliction and punishment for things of which He knew even before they were fashioned, aware how they would turn out when he created them— and whom nonetheless He created.”[22]

If this is the case, then what exactly would constitute the difference between hell as depicted here and purgatory? This is a good question, but probably not as difficult as it would appear at first glance. Purgatory is a part of heaven, hell is not. Purgatory is joyful, hell is not. The pain of purgatory, according to St. Catherine of Genoa, is more joyful than the greatest joys on earth; not so hell. Souls in purgatory died in a state of grace, and so they died spiritually alive; but a soul in hell is spiritually dead. Hell involves the pain of despair, not because the divine mercy has run its course and God has turned His back forever on them, but rather because the damned have trapped themselves in their own darkness—perhaps they project their own mercilessness upon God and despair accordingly. But what God does from here on in cannot be inferred on the basis of what we would do or believe should be done

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Is 55, 8-9. Cf. Ps 103, 9-10; See also Mt 20, 1-16)

The question of hope for universal salvation is very similar to the question of the hope of salvation for infants who die without baptism. The latter has a history that reveals a great deal about the nature of the development of doctrine. For one, “common doctrine” should not be confused with genuine statements of faith.[23] In section 34 of the International Theological Commission’s document “The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised”, we read: 

In the Church’s tradition, the affirmation that children who died unbaptised are deprived of the beatific vision has for a long time been “common doctrine”. This common doctrine followed upon a certain way of reconciling the received principles of revelation, but it did not possess the certitude of a statement of faith, or the same certitude as other affirmations whose rejection would entail the denial of a divinely revealed dogma or of a teaching proclaimed by a definitive act of the magisterium. The study of the history of the Church’s reflection on this subject shows that it is necessary to make distinctions. In this summary we distinguish first, statements of faith and what pertains to the faith; second, common doctrine; and third, theological opinion.[24]

Perhaps we are in a similar predicament when it comes to the question of universal salvation or restoration (apokatastasis), and perhaps the conditions will one day be in place for this question to be revisited in a future council. It took centuries before the Church was sufficiently ready to address the hope of salvation for infants who die without baptism, and the way it is currently addressed was simply beyond the Church’s reach in earlier centuries.[25] Although we may not at this time be able to solve this problem with absolute certainty, it seems to me that if it is a duty to hope and pray for the salvation of everyone–given that the Church prays in hope for “all men to be salved” and that “no one should be lost” (CCC §1821, §1058) –, then what we can be relatively certain of at this point is that the hope for universal salvation is fitting and reasonable.[26]

Notes

  1. “Man – whether man or woman – is the only being among the creatures of the visible world that God the Creator “has willed for its own sake”; that creature is thus a person”. Mulieris Dignitatem, 7. Cf. GS, 24.
  2. Sergius Bulgakov. The Sophiology of Death. Essays on Eschatology: Personal, Political, Universal. Trans. Roberto J. De La Noval. Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2021. P. 78. He continues: “Can this struggle extend for an infinite (and in this sense “eternal”) duration, a bad infinity, or, having been weakened by the struggle, must he at some point in exhaustion lay down his arms? Is his strength inexhaustible for this hopeless and endless struggle with what is self-evident, such that it can fill the ages of ages, or is even such a supposition impossible because…Satan, in point of fact, is a creature and only a creature, making his strength and his capabilities limited? What can save him in this situation is precisely that same creaturehood he rejects as a reality outstripping his creaturely freedom. He can grow exhausted in this unequal struggle–rather, he cannot not grow exhausted from it, in the end capitulating before reality and acknowledging that not he himself, but rather God, is his creator, and this means falling down and worshipping him. Then will there occur an ontological coercion on the part of reality, by force of fact.” Ibid., p. 78-79.
  3. Nicolas Berdyaev. The Destiny of Man. trans. Natalie Duddington. San Rafael, CA: Semantron Press, 2009. p 277.
  4. Ilaria Ramelli writes: “…while the notion of transmigration of souls (metensomatosis) was supported by both Pythagoras and Plato, it was not defended by Origen, who explicitly rejected it as being opposed to the “end of the world” foretold by Scripture. So against metensomatosis Origen set forth the Christian doctrine of ensomatosis (which did not imply the transmigration of a soul from one body to another). It is a doctrine of apokatastasis embedded within that of the transmigration of souls that was condemned by Justinian’s Fifth Ecumenical Council (553), not Origen’s own doctrine of apokatastasis…. the doctrine of apokatastasis was also held by Gregory Nyssen, yet no mention is made of him in either 543 or 553. Certainly, Gregory did not embrace a doctrine of apokatastasis embedded within that of the transmigration of souls–but neither did Origen.” A Larger Hope? Universal Salvation from Christian Beginnings to Julian of Norwich. Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2019. Appendix I: “The Meaning of Aionios“. P. 171.
  5. Crossing the Threshold of Hope. Toronto, Canada: Alfred A. Knopf, 1994. p. 185.
  6. St. Clement writes: “The God of the universe has disposed everything for universal salvation, in general and singularly. Thus, God did whatever did not prevent the voluntary nature of human choice, and showed this as a help to attain virtue, that in some way even those who are endowed only of weak vision the sole true Omnipotent could be revealed a good God who from eternity and forever saves through the Son and is absolutely not responsible for evil. Thus, it is a work of God’s salvific justice to lead everything to the best in so far as possible.”  Strom 7:2:12. Quoted in Ilaria L. E. Ramelli. A Larger Hope? Universal Salvation from Christian Beginnings to Julian of Norwich, Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2019, p. 26. St. Didymus the Blind writes: “The Savior in fact came to look for what was lost and save it. He looks for the soul, in order to lead it to salvation, to bring it back to its original condition. Now, just as the Savior does this by means of instruction and perfecting into what is good, likewise the disciples of the Savior, angels and human beings, do so. Comm. in Ps. 35-39 col. 267:20, quoted in Ramelli: A Larger Hope? P. 97. He also writes: “The Father has given to Christ the power and dominion over all beings, that no being that has been handed to him should perish: for this glory, too, passes through us, because it was necessary that the totality of those who will have submitted to him and have arrived in the hands of the omnipotent Logos of God be saved and remain among the goods that have no end, so that it need no longer suffer the tyranny of death, nor be liable to corruption and sins, nor have to undergo punishment for ancient evils.” On John 17: 1, quoted in Ramelli: A Larger Hope? P. 97. St. Gregory of Nyssa writes: “No being will remain outside the number of the saved”; “Every being that had its origin from God will return such as it was from the beginning, when it had not yet received evil” (In Illud, 14D).
  7. A propos du nouveau Catéchisme catholique: Convergences et divergences entre catholiques et orthodoxes. Un entretien avec Bartholomée Ier, patriarche oecuménique [About the new Catholic Catechism: Convergences and Divergences between Catholics and Orthodoxes. Meeting with Ecumenic Patriarch Bartholomew I], Service Orthodoxe de Presse – SOP, 1993, no. 178, pp. 21–26, fragment from p. 22 [own translation]. Quoted in “BUT THE PROBLEM REMAINS”. John Paul II and the universalism of the hope for salvation, by Waclaw Hryniewicz. DIALOGUE AND UNIVERSALISM No. 7–8/2007 https://afkimel.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/waclaw-hryniewicz-on-john-paul-ii-on-universalism.pdf
  8. Nicolas Berdyaev. The Destiny of Man. trans. Natalie Duddington. San Rafael, CA: Semantron Press, 2009. p 277.
  9. Edith Stein, “Freiheit und Gnade” und weitere Beitrage zu Phanomenologie und Ontologie: (1917 bis 1937) (Freiburg: Herder, 2024), 158-159. Quoted in Christoph Wrembek, S. J. Hope for Judas: God’s Boundless Mercy for Us All. N.Y.: New York City Press, p. 148.
  10. The Complete Works of George MacDonald, e-artnow, 2015. “The Creation in Christ”. [Kobo version]. Retrieved from http://www.kobo.com.
  11. “By his incarnation the Son of God has united himself in some fashion with every human being”. Gaudium et Spes, 22. See also, Evangelium Vitae, 2).
  12. See Christoph Wrembek, S. J. Hope for Judas: God’s Boundless Mercy for Us All. N.Y.: New York City Press. P. 64-80.
  13. The Liturgy of the Hours, Vol II. p. 496-498. PG 43, 439. 451, 462-463.
  14. The Liturgy of the Hours, Vol II. p. 735-736. Sermo de Domino nostro, 3-4; Opera edit. Lamy, 1, 152-158. Note that it is not necessarily the case that “multitude of men” implies “not all”. If I see a multitude of people standing outside a building, I cannot say with certainty that less than 100% of the building’s occupants are outside, while some remain inside. It may be the case that all of them are outside, as a result of a fire alarm.
  15. “By myself I swear, uttering my just decree, a word that will not return: to me every knee shall bend; by me every tongue shall swear, saying, “Only in the Lord are just deeds and power” (Is 45, 23-24).
  16. Edith Stein, “Freiheit und Gnade” und weitere Beitrage zu Phanomenologie und Ontologie: (1917 bis 1937) (Freiburg: Herder, 2024), 158-159. Quoted in Christoph Wrembek, S. J. Hope for Judas: God’s Boundless Mercy for Us All. N.Y.: New York City Press. P. 140.
  17. Ibid., p 148-149.
  18. Nicolas Berdyaev. The Destiny of Man. trans. Natalie Duddington. San Rafael, CA: Semantron Press, 2009. p 278. He also writes: “A higher and maturer consciousness cannot accept the old fashioned idea of hell; but a too light hearted, sentimentally optimistic rejection of it is equally untenable. Hell unquestionably exists, it is revealed to us in experience, it may be our own lot. But it belongs to time and is therefore temporal. Everything that is in time is temporal. The victory of eternity over time, for example the bringing-in of the temporal into eternity, is victory over hell and its powers. Hell is an aeon or an aeon of aeons, as it says in the Gospel, but not eternity. Only those are in hell who have not entered eternity but have remained in time. It is impossible, however, to remain in time forever: one can only remain in time for a time. The perspective of a bad Infinity is not an ontological reality, but a phantasm and a subjective illusion. There is something hideous and morally revolting in the idea of eternal torments as a just retribution for the crimes and sins of a short moment of life. Eternal damnation as the result of things done in a short period of time is one of the most disgusting of human nightmares. The doctrine of reincarnation, which has obvious advantages, involves, however, another nightmare, the nightmare of endless incarnations, of infinite wanderings along dark passages; it finds the solution of man’s destiny in the cosmos and not in God. But one thing is unquestionably true: after death the soul goes on living on other planes of being, just as it had lived on other planes before birth. The life in our world between birth and death is merely a small fragment of the human destiny, incomprehensible when regarded by itself, apart from the eternal destiny of man.” Ibid., p. 279.
  19. See Ilaria L. E. Ramelli. A Larger Hope? Universal Salvation from Christian Beginnings to Julian of Norwich. Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2019. Appendix I: “The Meaning of Aionios“. P. 215-221.
  20. George MacDonald writes: “When a man acknowledges the right he denied before; when he says to the wrong, ‘I abjure, I loathe you; I see now what you are; I could not see it before because I would not; God forgive me; make me clean, or let me die!’ then justice, that is God, has conquered–and not till then. …Justice then requires that sin should be put an end to; and not that only, but that it should be atoned for; and where punishment can do anything to this end, where it can help the sinner to know what he has been guilty of, where it can soften his heart to see his pride and wrong and cruelty, justice requires that punishment shall not be spared. And the more we believe in God, the surer we shall be that he will spare nothing that suffering can do to deliver his child from death. If suffering cannot serve this end, we need look for no more hell, but for the destruction of sin by the destruction of the sinner. That, however, would, it appears to me, be for God to suffer defeat, blameless indeed, but defeat. If God be defeated, he must destroy–that is, he must withdraw life. How can he go on sending forth his life into irreclaimable souls, to keep sin alive in them throughout the ages of eternity? But then, I say, no atonement would be made for the wrongs they have done; God remains defeated, for he has created that which sinned, and which would not repent and make up for its sin. But those who believe that God will thus be defeated by man souls, must surely be of those who do not believe he cares enough to do his very best for them. He is their Father; he had power to make them out of himself, separate from himself, and capable of being one with them: surely he will somehow save and keep them! Not the power of sin itself can close all the channels between creating and created.” Unspoken Sermons, “Justice”.
  21. The Ascetical Homilies of St. Isaac the Syrian: Homily 27: “In How Many Different Ways the Sight of Incorporeal Being Is Received by Human Nature”. Omaha, NE: Patristic Publishing, 2019.
  22. Ibid.
  23. “Common doctrine” as it is used in this context is not the same thing as the teaching of the ordinary and universal Magisterium. See Catechism of the Catholic Church, #892.
  24. The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised. International Theological Commission. 2007.  
  25. “The history of theology and of magisterial teaching show in particular a development concerning the manner of understanding the universal saving will of God. The theological tradition of the past (antiquity, the Middle Ages, the beginning of modern times), in particular the Augustinian tradition, often presents what by comparison with modern theological developments would seem to be a “restrictive” conception of the universality of God’s saving will. In theological research, the perception of the divine will to save as “quantitatively” universal is relatively recent. At the level of the magisterium, this larger perception was progressively affirmed. Without trying to date it exactly, one can observe that it appeared very clearly in the 19th century, especially in the teaching of Pius IX on the possible salvation of those who, without fault on their part, were unaware of the Catholic faith: those who “lead a virtuous and just life, can, with the aid of divine light and grace, attain eternal life; for God, who understands perfectly, scrutinizes and knows the minds, souls, thoughts and habits of all, in his very great goodness and patience, will not permit anyone who is not guilty of a voluntary fault to be punished with eternal torments”. This integration and maturation in Catholic doctrine meanwhile gave rise to a renewed reflection on the possible ways of salvation for unbaptised infants.” Ibid., 33. We also read in Dei Verbum, 8: “This tradition which comes from the Apostles develops in the Church with the help of the Holy Spirit. For there is a growth in the understanding of the realities and the words which have been handed down. This happens through the contemplation and study made by believers, who treasure these things in their hearts (see Luke, 2:19, 51) through a penetrating understanding of the spiritual realities which they experience, and through the preaching of those who have received through Episcopal succession the sure gift of truth. For as the centuries succeed one another, the Church constantly moves forward toward the fullness of divine truth until the words of God reach their complete fulfillment in her.”
  26. “Christians are people of hope. They have set their hope “on the living God, who is the saviour of all, especially of those who believe” (1 Tim 4:10). They ardently desire that all human beings, unbaptised children included, may share in God’s glory and live with Christ (cf. 1 Thess 5:9-11; Rom 8:2-5; 23-35), in keeping with the recommendation of Theophylactus: “If he [our God] wants all men to be saved, you should also want it, and imitate God”. This Christian hope is a “hope … against hope” (Rom 4:18), going far beyond any form of human hope.” The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised. International Theological Commission. 2007, 68. https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/cti_documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20070419_un-baptised-infants_en.html#*

 

 

 

A Reflection on Co-Inherence

(Written version of a homily for the 6th Sunday of Easter)

Deacon Douglas McManaman

I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 

Perichoresis (peri: ‘around’; choreo: ‘to go’) is a Greek theological term first employed by St. Gregory of Nazianzus and St. John of Damascus. It describes the complete mutual indwelling (the “divine dance”) of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the three Persons of the Trinity. What this means is that all three Persons of the Trinity exist entirely in one another; the Son exists entirely in the Father and entirely in the Holy Spirit, and the Father exists entirely in the Son and entirely in the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit exists entirely in the Father and in the Son.  

But, you and I have been made partakers of this perichoresis, because as Jesus said: “I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you” (Jn 14, 20). If you are in him and he is in you, and he is in the Father and in the Holy Spirit, then you are in the Father and in the Holy Spirit, and the Father is in you and the Holy Spirit is in you. In other words, the entire Trinity dwells within you. 

But we can take this further. If both you and I are in Christ and all that this implies (the Trinitarian life within us), then you and I are in one another. There is, with us, a mutual indwelling or co-inherence. This means that what happens to me affects you, and what happens to you affects me. And so, even the most secret sin that I commit will affect everyone, and conversely, the most secret work of charity will also affect everyone positively, without them necessarily knowing it. I am not some isolated individual with my own private existence; rather, I dwell within you and you in me, because we are both in him, who is in the Father (and the Father is in him). This is what holy communion means; when we receive communion, we enter into a very profound communion with one another.

Paul, however, takes this further and says that “we are individually parts of one another” (Rom 12, 5). Now, the more I get a handle on the weight of this point, the more I will hesitate to do something that will diminish me (sin), because if I am diminished, you are diminished, and if I love you, I do not want to diminish you. If I am indifferent to you, however, I don’t care that I diminish you by my sinful choices. And, the converse is also true. As I grow closer to God through charity (divine friendship), I take you along with me, because you and I are individually parts of one another. That is precisely why Paul says: “If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy” (1 Cor 12, 26). 

Consider some of the implications of this principle. First, the good that you do in secret is actually very public, not in terms of knowledge–because what you do is done in secret–, but the unknown and unacknowledged good that you do moves the world forward and builds up the Church in ways that are beyond your ken. That few people know about what you do makes no difference in the end. The whole Christ knows. The converse is also the case; the evil that I do in secret, the lying, or little acts of unkindness, greed, selfishness, etc., are actually public, once again not in terms of knowledge, because they are done in secret, but even when no one is looking, they diminish every one, because we co-inhere in one another. And although they are done in secret, they will eventually be known throughout the entire mystical body; for Jesus himself says: “For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light” (Lk 8, 17). Further on in the same gospel, he says: “There is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the darkness will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed on the housetops” (Lk 12, 2-3). 

In the second reading, Peter says: “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil. For Christ also suffered for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, in order to bring you to God” (1 Pt 3, 17-18). But when we suffer for doing good, we, like Christ, suffer for one another. The reason is that we exist in one another. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul says: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6, 2). This is the law of Christ, that my suffering in the Person of Christ has the specific quality of bringing relief to another. Because we are parts of one another, we actually do bear one another’s burdens. What this means is that my suffering, which is a burden to me,  has the specific quality of bringing relief to another. Think of what it means to carry another’s burden. We lighten their load, so to speak. Recall what it is like to suffer alone, only to have someone come along and acknowledge your suffering, actually feel the sorrow you feel, to some degree at least. When this occurs, you feel your burden getting lighter and easier to carry, while the one who listens to you actually feels heavier and feels greater sorrow. Victims of injustice do not feel so alone when somebody finally listens to them, acknowledges the injustice and shares in their anger. 

Life in the community of Christ’s body is very much a zero sum game, a series of trade offs, as it were. It would not be that way if my life was closed off from yours and vice versa, if we were merely two private individuals existing side by side without any mutual indwelling or co-inherence. 

And so, a person might wonder at times: “Why is this happening to me?” “Why am I suffering like this?” Of course, I don’t have the specific answer to that question, but only a general one. Such a person might very well be relieving another of his burden, because he/she exists in Christ, and Christ suffered, the righteous for the unrighteous, and this person is sharing in Christ’s life. And others in that same mystical body have carried my burden throughout my life, so that I could enjoy momentary relief from suffering, and I don’t know who they are.

So, although your suffering might seem pointless, useless, meaningless, you will be delighted to discover in the fullness of God’s kingdom that you were actually carrying someone else’s burden and providing them with much needed  relief. That is why as chaplains we pray that God join the sufferings of this patient to the sufferings of Christ, for the sake of someone else. We share in Christ’s redeeming work when we suffer, and this suffering is precisely a matter of carrying one another’s burdens. Our suffering is never pointless. 

And there is one other very important implication here, and that is none of us are saved except through one another. Christ has made you and I participants in the salvation of the world. We can think of the joy that will be ours when we discover that our struggles, difficulties, and sufferings that were part of the life in Christ that we chose, were a real factor in the salvation of so many people, and think too of the the joy of knowing how the difficulties, burdens, struggles and sufferings of this person and that person were a factor in your salvation and my salvation.

Thoughts on Romantic Love, Sexuality and Matrimony

Written version of a talk given on April 30th, 2026, at St. Lawrence the Martyr Church, Toronto, Ontario.

Deacon Douglas McManaman

A significant problem today is that the vast majority of people see morality as a collection of do’s and don’ts: “I can’t do this, I can’t do that”. I believe that very early on in my teaching career I made the mistake of teaching morality like that, that is, issue centered, and so we looked at all those actions that the Church forbids. At the end of the semester, one student asked me: “Sir, what can we do?” I felt great frustration at the question, and after a bit of honest reflection, I realized that my anger would be better directed at myself, for his question revealed to me the mistake I’d made in focusing primarily on actions that were not permitted. My approach was fundamentally negative. 

But morality is about the good life, and the morally good life is the secret to happiness and emotional well-being. That’s the central insight of the School of Positive Psychology (Martin Seligman), a school of thought that goes all the way back to Aristotle, who said that happiness is activity in accordance with perfect virtue. And Catholic teaching on sexual ethics is not bad news at all; it is in fact really good news. It is not about restrictions primarily, but about freedom and the development of morally noble character.

Some Theology of Romantic Love

I’d like to begin with a few points about romantic love, what the Greeks called eros love. This typically refers to the experience of falling in love. Now this is an interesting experience, and I am quite convinced that the experience of “falling in love” has been misunderstood for centuries—once again, given a negative spin. I believe that Scott Peck’s treatment of romantic love in his book The Road Less Travelled is, although very insightful in so many ways, fundamentally negative.[1] I believe a more positive and theological approach is more helpful to couples. For this, I turn to Charles Williams and his analysis of romantic love in the writings of Dante.

First, allow me to distinguish between a false romantic love and genuine romantic love. False romantic love is really little more than the experience of being infatuated with another person, but genuine romantic love is something holy. We are all familiar with pseudo romantic love, and this involves a person who is fundamentally immature. Such a person is overcome by a passion for someone. He or she is obsessed, as it were, and cannot think of anything other than the person he or she is obsessed with. It is in fact a disordered love of self, the kind of love that amounts to: “I love you for what you do for me”.

We can compare this to a passionate love for certain foods. We might say I love pastries, or cake, or whatever. However, I love this pastry for what it does for me; it tastes good. But as Aquinas points out, we don’t destroy what we love, but we destroy food when we eat it. So, it’s not really the food that we love–otherwise we wouldn’t destroy it. It is ourselves that we love. And there’s nothing wrong with self-love per se. But it can become disordered, for object loved can become the center of our lives, in which case we become the center of our lives. 

Self-love becomes a serious problem when the object of this love is another human being: I love you for what you do for me; you make me feel good; you pay attention to me, you make me feel desirable, etc. When our love for a person is reduced to this kind of love, it is nothing more than a disordered love of self. For those who are psychologically immature, this is typically what their love amounts to. And this love is blind, and it is not long lasting. Eventually a person becomes disillusioned, for this pseudo romantic love was a passion that skewed the way he/she saw the world; it is as though they were under a spell of some kind. In some ways, it is like the seed in the parable of the Sower that falls on rocky ground and springs up quickly, but withers and dies as soon as the sun comes out, because it has no roots. This person loved religion because it was new and exciting, but it was rooted in the self, and so when life became difficult an account of that religious experience, the person moved on to something else. 

But genuine romantic love is a genuine love of the other in which the beloved is loved for his or her sake. This kind of love presupposes a person who is, to a certain degree at least, psychologically and morally mature. It is not a love that blinds, but is eye opening. it is a selfless love, a holy love that gives rise to the most important virtues, which are charity and humility. 

Charity is a theological virtue, it is the intimate love of God under the aspect of friendship, and humility involves a profound sense of one’s lowliness or littleness–but a joyful sense of one’s lowliness, because one sees oneself in the light of a reality that is larger than the self. The other with whom I am in love is not me, and this person is always more than what I currently know him or her to be. The lover begins to see the beloved as a mystery. That is why we feel our littleness next to this larger love. In other words, genuine romantic love is holy; it is an experience of the sacred. In many theological circles, romantic love has been misunderstood because it is a love that involves the sexual, but for centuries, we had a tendency to look upon the sexual as a kind of necessary evil, [2] something low or base, probably as a result of the influence of a dualism that regarded the body as kind of prison of the soul–the theologians of the Patristic era were very much under the influence of this school of thought. But genuine romantic love is an experience of the sacred, as I will try to explain. 

I am going to agree with Charles Williams, who interprets Dante’s work on Romantic love, and argue that in romantic love, the one who has fallen in love sees the beloved as God sees the beloved. But this can only happen if God gives the one who is in love (the lover) a sharing in the way He sees the beloved. And so, this is a grace; it is an illumination. And that is why in the experience of falling in love, the one in love is very much preoccupied with the beloved, thinks of the beloved a great deal more than he or she otherwise would. There is a sense in which the lover begins to see everything in light of the beloved. I believe the reason for this is that God himself loves each one of us as if there is only one of us, and a person in love has been given a partial sharing in that love for a particular person. St. Augustine writes:  

O You Omnipotent Good, you care for every one of us as if you care for him only, and so for all as if they were but one! [3] 

If God loves you as if you alone exist, then that means that everything in this universe exists for you, to serve you. It is as if God created the world and all its creatures to serve you and you alone. Now, I don’t see you like that, and you don’t see me like that, but God does. And if you and I could come to see that for only an instant, we’d be overcome with an unimaginable joy. 

Now, in genuine romantic love, God gives a person the grace of a partial sharing in that vision of the other with whom he has fallen in love, or with whom she has fallen in love, and that is the cause of the unique experience of being in love. And it is an extraordinarily joyful experience, because one is no longer the center of one’s life. One is now on the periphery, so to speak, or the circumference of a circle, and God is in the center. The lover has been displaced, which is a new experience. However, the beloved also occupies the center in a certain way. In other words, God calls the lover to himself through loving the beloved. The beloved does not compete with God, but the beloved is seen in God, as I will try to explain more fully. And that’s why the genuine experience of being in love begets charity and humility:

Dante writes of his love for Beatrice:

Let me say that whenever she appeared anywhere, the hope of her wondrous greeting emptied me of all enmity and kindled instead a flame of charity that inspired me to forgive whoever had offended me. My face was veiled in humility, and were someone to ask me anything just then, my only reply would have been “Love.” And when she was about to greet me, a spirit of Love, destroying all my other sensory spirits, would drive out my feeble spirits of sight, saying, “Go and honor your lady,” and then he’d take their place. Anyone wishing to know Love only had to look at the trembling in my eyes. And when her most gracious greeting reached me, it’s not that Love intervened to veil its unbearable beatitude from me, but rather, abundant sweetness made him such that my body, which was completely in his command, moved like some heavy, lifeless object. Thus it is manifestly apparent that my beatitude, which often filled me to overflowing, resided in her greeting.[4]

Now commenting on this text, Charles Williams writes: 

The sight of Beatrice filled him with the fire of charity and clothed him with humility; he became—and for a moment he knew it—an entire goodwill. Neither of these great virtues is gained by considering oneself; and the apparition of this glory, living and moving in Florence, precisely frees him from the consideration of himself. Love is greater than he: his soul was right when it exclaimed: ‘A stronger than I dominates me’ and trembled, and his brain was right when it said: ‘Behold your blessedness’, and even his flesh when it said: ‘O misery, how I shall be shaken’, … This love certainly does not exclude the physical reactions; his body, he says, was so oppressed by it, as by a surfeit of sweetness, that it felt heavy and lifeless; her greeting was too much for him; … [5] 

And so, in genuine romantic love, one sees the other as God sees the other–at least partially–, and one gives attention to the other in a way that approaches the way God gives you and me his attention, and of course you and I have God’s undivided attention at every instant of our lives–although he does not have our undivided attention at every moment.  

And so, we see the beloved in his or her perfection, in his or her glory, because God sees us “with rose colored glasses”, so to speak. He sees us not merely as we are today in all our imperfection and flaws, but as we are in our perfection, as He intends for us to be. He sees you and me in our completeness, for God is not subject to the passing of time and so He is not limited to the moment, to the here and now. 

Now, the beloved with whom you are in love does not at this time exist in that state of perfection. He or she has not achieved that glorified state, and so the experience of falling in love makes possible an experience of disappointment. The reality is that this person is imperfect, and we see their imperfection against the backdrop of that original divine vision. This is very much like the transfiguration. Peter, James, and John were taken up the mountain and Jesus was transfigured before them, appearing with Moses and Elijah. Peter said: “It is wonderful (kalon) for us to be here”. The Greek word used here is kalon, which is a word very hard to translate in English; it is from the Greek word kaleo, which means ‘attractive’, and it is used in the context of the philosophical discussion of art and the nature of beauty. What is beautiful ‘attracts’ or ‘draws’ us to itself. It is probably better translated as “It is beautiful for us to be here”. For Peter, James, and John, the transfiguration was an experience of divine beauty. And of course, Peter wants the experience to continue indefinitely: ‘Let us build three tents: one for you, for Moses, and for Elijah’. Then suddenly they were overshadowed by a cloud and a voice was heard: ‘This is my beloved Son. Listen to him’. They fell on their faces, and then Jesus touched them and told them to get up, do not be afraid, and they saw only Jesus. They were back to this non-glorious state of reality, so to speak. The transfiguration was an experience given to them to strengthen them for the coming passion and death of Christ. 

The experience of genuine romantic love is given as a preparation for the difficulties that lie ahead, so that both will be strengthened for the life of love to which they may be called; for love is difficult, love is sacrifice, it is a way of the cross. It is a constant dying and rising. The couple are called to face one another–which happens when they join their right hands–and direct their lives to helping one another achieve that perfection, that glory, that is beheld partially in the experience of falling in love.  

And the primary purpose of each of the spouses in the marriage is to help the other see himself or herself as God sees him or her. If I’ve been given a partial sharing in the way God sees my spouse, then I have to be sure never to forget that and love her in that light, help her to see herself as God sees her, to build her up on the basis of that insight, and to remain faithful to her until that end has been achieved. The knowledge and the memory of that initial romantic insight must be the guiding star that leads me to God and to her as she exists in God, that is, as God intends her to be.  

As I alluded to earlier, so many people are not morally and psychologically mature enough to handle the experience of romantic love without a great deal of excess and disorder. We see this especially among the young; for moral and psychological immaturity really have to do with a disordered or excessive love of self. It’s much like the experience of becoming famous overnight. Some young celebrities cannot properly handle the fame and attention without becoming cocky, overconfident, and delusional. Fame, like power, can destroy a person. True love is healing, but attention of a certain kind and degree can ruin a person. In heaven, we will see others as God sees them, and others will see us as God sees us, but this experience will not destroy us, because by that point, we will be purified of disordered love of self; life has a way of doing that to us. And we will see the good in each one in a way that we cannot conceive of at this point. We don’t see that now, but our task is to learn to see it, to look for it in others, to see others as God sees them, and that happens the more we take on the mind of Christ. And of course, that is why there is so much darkness in this world, because we don’t see others as God sees them. We tend not to see the other as a mystery, but, at our worst, as things to be used in some way for our own ends. This is how romantic love becomes corrupted and reduced to sexual exploitation. Without even realizing it, the person is loved merely for what he or she can provide sexually and emotionally. Once that wears out, the relationship is over. This is a failure to see the other as an inexhaustible mystery who is infinitely knowable.

Marriage as a Sharing in the Paschal Mystery

I want to shift gears now and say a word about marriage, in particular the Paschal Mystery of Christ, which is the mystery of Christ’s death and resurrection; for it is this mystery that reveals the true nature of marriage. Consider the time when the Egyptians enslaved the Hebrew people and God called the Hebrews to leave Egypt with its pantheon of false gods and go to the land of Canaan. God called Moses to lead them out of Egypt, as He called Abraham to leave the land of Ur of the Chaldeans. A life of holiness always begins with God calling someone to leave the familiar and the comfortable. Now in Matrimony, two people are also called to leave behind the familiar and the comfortable, to leave behind a world closed in upon itself. 

The word “consecrate” means to make sacred, but for the Jews, sacred means “to be set apart”, which involves a kind of “leaving behind”. In marriage, the couple are consecrated, which means they are set apart, called to leave their comfortable world of independence and self-sufficiency, to be given over to another, to belong to one another, to belong to something larger than their own individual selves, namely, their marriage bond. The couple relinquish their individual lives; they are no longer two individuals with their own independent existence; rather, they have become one; their lives are directed towards one another. In giving themselves entirely to one another, irrevocably, exclusively, without knowing what lies ahead, they die to their own individual plans, they die to a life directed by the individual will. In doing so, they find life, for they have become larger, that is, a two in one flesh union. 

They choose to live a life that is not merely an image of the Paschal Mystery, but a life that is made possible by the Paschal Mystery, because matrimony is a sacrament, a sign that contains what it signifies, and what it signifies is the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church. Matrimony is a sharing in that Paschal Mystery. 

When Christ himself leaves this world of sin behind to go to the Father, immolated on the cross, the new Israel is born. Christ is indeed married; his Bride, his Mystical Body, the Church, is born as a result of that dying and leaving. Holy Matrimony is an icon of that mystery; divorce is a contradiction of that testimony, a counter witness. But in marriage, the two grow together through stages. There are moments of darkness and drab, difficulties, and there are glorious moments. Married life is a constant dying and rising. Married love is hesed, the Hebrew word for perpetual and steadfast love, the kind of love God has for Israel. Matrimony is a profoundly religious vocation precisely because it is a sharing in the Paschal Mystery. 

Romantic Love and Sexual Union

Love of its very nature is unitive, that is, it tends to union. No matter what kind of love we are talking about (philia, eros, storge, agape, etc), that love expresses itself in physical union of some sort. For example, friendship love, what the Greeks called philia, is often expressed by a handshake or a hug; storge, which is affection, is often expressed by a kiss. Conjugal love involves a complete and total giving of the self to another, and because it is a total giving of the self, it includes the giving of one’s body. And so, the natural expression of married love is the act of sexual intercourse in which the two become reproductively one organism. They become one body in the act of sexual union–and this is true even if the couple are unable to conceive a child. They still become reproductively one organism, for a male is reproductively incomplete, a female is reproductively incomplete, but in the act of sexual union, the two become reproductively complete.

Now, if genuine romantic love is holy in that it begins with a kind of divine illumination, and if marriage is a sharing in the Paschal Mystery, then the sexual act between husband and wife is holy. In fact, St. Thomas Aquinas writes in his Summa Theologica that the sexual act between husband and wife merits an increase in divine grace. [6]  

Not only is love unitive, love is also effusive. It spreads beyond itself, seeks to communicate itself to others outside itself. Love is not self-contained, like an egg, but pours itself out, like an egg broken open. And so there is a twofold goodness to the sexual act: it is 1) an expression and celebration of the couple’s one flesh union, and 2) it is procreative (effusive, ordered to new life). 

These two human goods, conjugal love and human life, constitute the single good of marriage. As was mentioned above, romantic love begins with an insight into the glory of the beloved, which is followed by what might feel like a “return to reality”, so to speak, in which one beholds just how much the beloved falls short of that perfection. The purpose now is to help one another to achieve that perfection, that holiness. Dante speaks of the two virtues that the grace of romantic love gave rise to as he was greeted by Beatrice (charity and humility), and these are the two virtues needed to make it through married life; for it is through charity that one is committed to the salvation of the beloved, and humility is the virtue needed to persist–for the other sees me in all my imperfection, flaws, quirks and idiosyncrasies, and so this relationship requires a tremendous amount of humility and trust. 

But this mutual help is precisely the primary purpose of marriage. In 1930, Pope Pius XI wrote:  

This mutual inward moulding of husband and wife, this determined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense, as the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason and purpose of matrimony, provided matrimony be looked at not in the restricted sense as instituted for the proper conception and education of the child, but more widely as the blending of life as a whole and the mutual interchange and sharing thereof. [7]  

Hence, the sexual act is an expression of that conjugal love, that love of one’s spouse for his/her sake. The act of sexual union is a marital act (the act of marriage). If God calls a person to be married, he calls that person to participate in the Paschal Mystery in a particular way, to leave behind that world that is closed in on itself, the world in which you cater to your own individual needs and wants, and turn to another. One sees the other romantically, with the divine vision, but at the same time with the real vision of one another’s imperfections, and the two help one another towards achieving that eschatological perfection. He gives himself to her completely, totally, for her sake, for the sake of that perfection that he beholds, and she as well. Outside of that sacred union, the sexual act is abused and trivialized, and to abuse the sex act is to abuse a person.

Moreover, in baptism we are anointed priest, prophet, and king, and so the faithful exercise a genuine priesthood. The sexual act within marriage is a priestly act, a genuine exercise of that priesthood, in that the act of sexual union between husband and wife is an offering. Priesthood is about offering a sacrificial victim to God, and the married couple offer themselves to one another. This offering, however, is at the same time an offering to God, because this is how God has called the two to love Him, that is, by loving one another. And so, just as the ministerial priest offers to God bread and wine that he may change those substances into the substance of Christ, to return them to us as the Bread of Life, in the act of sexual union husband and wife offer their matter to God, so to speak (sperm and egg), and God receives what is offered and changes it, infuses into it a human soul, so that it becomes a person. What God does with that offering at that moment is out of our control; the couple can only hope that this offering will be completed in the conception of a child, but they do not exercise any dominion over it. That, of course, does not mean that the couple must intend to conceive a child every time they engage in the sexual act. 

Contraception and NFP

There is no doubt, one of the most difficult teachings in the area of sexuality and marriage has to do with contraceptive birth control. The Church is probably the only voice in the world today that teaches that contraception is morally wrong. There was and still is a great deal of controversy surrounding this issue. Personally, I’ve studied this issue for over 40 years now. The reason is that I was fascinated by it. When I first learned of this teaching, I thought it was simply ridiculous–akin to forbidding the taking of a Tylenol. But there were some very good professors who assured me that it was not as ridiculous as it might appear at first. So, I began to look into this moral issue. As a teacher, I was determined to find ways of making this teaching intelligible for my students and friends. So, I’m going to offer here what I regard as the best explanation I can provide as to why the Church’s teaching on this is in my mind correct and is rooted in the Holy Spirit, which guides the Church in her teachings on faith and morals, despite the sinfulness and imperfection of the hierarchy. 

Over the years I have, in the face of objections from students and couples in marriage prep, second guessed myself many times. But nobody yet has been able to explain to me how the use of contraception is morally justified, and I wish someone would, because it would make my life much easier. So far, however, it hasn’t happened. Furthermore, I always tell couples in marriage prep that we are not here to impose anything; rather, we propose this. Personally, I think the Church’s teaching on openness to life is really quite beautiful, and I am quite convinced that it really does promote and strengthen couples’ relationships. In fact, the divorce rate for couples who use NFP is under 4%, which is an interesting statistic. It is a statistic, however, and statistics have to be interpreted. What are the factors for this? It’s hard to say, but perhaps we can leave this to the end and attempt to offer some possible reasons for this. 

But Catholic teaching is that every marital act must be open to new life. But what does that mean? We can certainly tell you what it does not mean. It does not mean that every act of sexual union between a married couple must result in the conception of a child. That would be absurd; for that would mean that if a couple end up having four children, they can only engage in sexual intercourse four times in their married life. 

What else does it not mean? That every act of sexual union must be open to life does not mean that controlling birth is morally wrong. Couples must control birth; for no couple is obligated to have as many children as is physically possible. My mother grew up in the province of Quebec in the 30s and 40s, and that was common teaching in the Church at that time. My mother knew a lady who had fifteen children already, and if she was not pregnant the following year, she would receive a visit from the parish priest inquiring of her as to why that is the case. 

What it does mean, however, is the following: a couple engaging in sexual union must not intentionally or willingly sterilize the sexual act, by using a contraception: a condom, birth control pill, or any other contraceptive method. A couple can certainly control birth, choose not to have a child at this time for whatever good reason–and there are many good reasons–, but contraceptive methods of birth control involve intentionally closing the sexual act to new life as a means to some further end. But why not? What is so wrong with that? And, isn’t the couple doing the same thing when they use NFP and engage in periodic abstinence?

A couple that uses NFP is able to determine when ovulation will occur or is occurring. Ovulation only occurs once every cycle, and the ovum, when released, has 24 hours to be fertilized, otherwise it disintegrates. So, there is a relatively small window in which a woman can conceive a child. Before ovulation, there is the early non-fertile phase, and after ovulation, there is the late non-fertile phase (which lasts approximately 16 days), and so if a couple engage in sexual union during that time, for example in the late non-fertile phase, they will not conceive a child, because there is no ovum to fertilize (during the early non-fertile phase, however, cervical mucus can keep sperm alive up to about five days, so although there is no ovum to fertilize yet, conception can occur days later). 

A common objection is that couples who use this method, who abstain from sexual intercourse during ovulation and instead engage in the sexual act during a non-fertile phase, are also deliberately closing the act of intercourse to new life. What I’d like to try to show is that this is not necessarily the case. The couple who abstains from acts of sexual union during ovulation and instead engages in the sexual act during one of the two non-fertile phases of the female cycle is not intentionally closing the act to new life; rather, the woman’s fertility cycle is such that she cannot conceive during these two phases, so they don’t have to close the act to new life. 

But, why is this distinction so significant? This is where things become a bit abstract and difficult to explain. And I understand that many couples today just don’t see it, but my task is to continually find ways to better explain this as clearly and easily as possible. There are certainly medical differences between the two, for example, NFP has no adverse medical side effects, whereas the birth control pill has all sorts of risks involved, which every birth control pill package will list: the risk of permanent infertility, the risk of deep vein thrombosis, certain kinds of cancers, but I am not an expert in this area; one can find a great deal of information about this online. I limit myself to the moral question, that is, the moral difference between the two. And the difference is very subtle, perhaps too subtle for some people, but I will go over this regardless. 

If this is going to make any sense, we need to begin with a very important distinction. What is it that makes an action a morally significant act (either good or evil)? The answer is: the will. Without a will, one is not a moral agent. Now let’s imagine that you are a gun enthusiast and enjoy target shooting. You set up a target in your backyard out in the country and begin practicing. You have put in place all sorts of safety measures, but someone decided earlier in the day to sneak onto your large piece of property and hide among the trees in the backyard, in order to rob the house later on when you leave to run some errands. While practicing, you miss the target and you end up shooting the man hiding in the bushes. Of course, you didn’t know he was there. Are you guilty of homicide? The answer is no; you are not. You did not will or intend that this person cease to exist, that is, cease to live. Murder is an action that involves a will that this person no longer be (it is the adoption of a proposal that includes the death of a person). That is why animals, although they can kill, cannot commit homicide; they don’t have a will, but are governed by instinct.

However, imagine that you hire someone to kill your wife. You meet with this hitman and enter into a contract. You agree to pay him $20,000 for the murder. You meet again at a certain time, and you hand him $10,000 as a down payment–he’ll get the rest when he carries out the deed. He does so, shows you a picture. You pay him the remaining $10,000. Now, it turns out that your hitman is really an undercover police officer; the polaroid snapshot that she showed you is of your wife made up to look dead. You didn’t know this. No one was killed. The question now is: Are you a murderer? The answer is, yes, morally speaking. Although no one was killed, the act of handing over an envelope with the cash so that she will be killed is an act of murder, morally speaking. One adopted a proposal that included the death of the spouse.

You and I determine our moral identity, our moral character, by the moral choices that we make. If I choose to lie to you, I become a liar; If I choose steal money from your purse when you are not looking, then I become a thief; If I choose to kill, I become a killer. That’s my moral identity, my character, which is very different from personality–one can have a great personality, but morally bad character. Most psychopaths in fact have great personalities, but they are depraved characters.

What does this have to do with contraception? Let us compare the series of choices made by a couple who use contraception to a couple that uses NFP. We will assume that in both cases, the couple have a good reason to avoid conceiving a child and that their act of intercourse is intended to be a genuine expression of conjugal love. The contracepting couple 1) consider having sex (as a genuine expression of married love). They remember that they have a good reason to avoid conceiving a child, and so they 2) project a possible baby as a consequence of their act of intercourse. At this point, they 3) choose to have sex, but they make a further choice in taking steps to prevent that possible baby from becoming an actual baby. Now, in choosing to prevent that possible baby from becoming an actual baby, they will or intend that this possible baby not become an actual baby. This is to act with a contra life will, a will that this possible baby not come to be. That is to act with contra life intent. 

It is important to emphasize here that contraception is not homicide (homicide involves willing that an actual living human being no longer be, or cease to be). However, what homicide and contraception have in common is a contra life intent, or a contra life will. If I kill someone without a contra life will, as in the scenario involving target practice, I have not necessarily done anything morally significant, certainly not murder. But if you kill someone with a contra life will, that act becomes an act of homicide. As we said, contraception is not homicide, because the will does not bear upon an actual human life, but only a possible human life. However, it is this contra life will or intention that makes killing immoral, so too it is this same contra life intention (or will) that makes contraception immoral. I positively will that this possible baby not become an actual baby. That describes a contra life intention or will, which is why it is fittingly called contraception (contra: “against”, the conception of new life). Although one is not willing that an actual baby not come to be, but a possible baby, nonetheless a possible baby is a basic intelligible human good, just as a possible friendship is a basic intelligible human good, an aspect of human flourishing. In other words, if I do something to willingly prevent a possible friendship between two people who do not yet know one another from becoming an actual friendship, I am willing contrary to the good of friendship, which is not yet an actuality.

This is not necessarily the case with Natural Family Planning, however. In the use of NFP, the couple becomes familiar with the female fertility cycle, they chart that cycle from month to month, and they choose to engage in sexual union during the non-fertile phases of that cycle, of which there are two. The NFP couple also consider having sex as a genuine expression of married love, and they too project a possible baby as a consequence of their act of intercourse. But it is at this point that they choose differently, for they choose not to have sex. The couple abstains from the act of sexual union during the ovulation phase of the cycle, because there is a good reason to avoid conceiving a child. Choosing not to have sex does not involve preventing a possible baby from becoming an actual baby. The couple simply chooses not to cause a baby, and there is nothing contra-life about choosing not to cause a baby; we do it all the time every time we choose to go to work or watch TV, etc. The only time a baby becomes a real possibility is when the couple choose to have sex at a time when conception is a real possibility. This is a very subtle distinction, but it is significant. The couple have not taken steps to close the marital act to new life by wearing a condom or taking a progesterone/estrogen pill, for example. 

We should point out that not every device referred to as contraception is truly a contraceptive. For example, the IUD, the intrauterine device, is not a contraceptive, but an abortifacient; an IUD allows sperm and egg to meet, but it prevents implantation on the lining of the uterus. So human life has already been conceived, but it aborts its development. So too, the low dose birth control pill has three mechanisms: 1) it prevents ovulation. However, a woman on the pill can still ovulate as a result of stress factors; 2) the pill thickens cervical mucus so that no sperm can get through; but one sperm is all it takes to fertilize an ovum. If fertilization does occur, 3) implantation on the lining of the uterus will be very difficult, because the pill changes the uterine wall. At this point, the pill is no longer a contraception, but an abortifacient, because life has been conceived.

As for the less than 4% divorce rate for couples that use NFP, it may have something to do with the fact that the couple are willing to practice periodic abstinence, which is good for a relationship. It may also have something to do with the fact that the pill treats the woman’s fertility as a disease, as something to be protected from, while NFP fosters a certain reverence for a woman’s fertility. Instead of cancelling that fertility with artificial hormones, the couple choose to adjust their own behavior and live in accordance with the woman’s physiology. 

Also, a woman who is taking the birth control pill for medical reasons, to raise her estrogen level, for example, is not engaging in contraceptive behavior, but is choosing a medical course of action that has an undesirable side effect, namely infertility. Also, a woman who has had three c-sections and who chooses to have her tubes tied because a fourth c-section would be dangerous is not, I have argued elsewhere, engaging in contraception, any more than a surgeon removing an ectopic pregnancy is performing an abortion. 

Notes

1. He writes: “Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that “falling in love” is love or at least one of the manifestations of love. It is a potent misconception, because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is “I love him” or “I love her.” But two problems are immediately apparent. The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children even though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex—unless we are homosexually oriented—even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades.” The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth. By M. Scott Peck, M.D. Touchstone Books. 1978. p. 84-90. 

2. See Derrick Sherwin Bailey. Sexual Relation in Christian Thought. New York: Harper & Brothers Publishers. pp. 19-102. 

3. Confessions, 3, 11. 19. (Tr. Albert C. Outler). “o tu bone omnipotens, qui sic curas unumquemque nostrum tamquam solum cures, et sic omnes tamquam singulos”.

4. Dante Alighieri, Vita Nuova: A Dual-Language Edition with Parallel Text. Kindle Edition. p. 33.

5. Charles Williams, The Figure of Beatrice: A Study in Dante, II. Kindle Edition. p. 18.

6. See S.T., Supplement, Question 41, a.4.

7. Casti Connubii, 24.